Some days are better than others and some days really just suck! I often wonder if it's that old saying "Carma is a bitch", but come on, i've been good for a long time now. It's almost an instant reaction when waking up every morning, "Wonder what the hell can happen today?" Not that I haven't tried to be optimistic about having a good day, but sometimes I wonder if I think of it too much, then that's when shit hits the fan. I haven't always been this way. In fact, not too long ago, it seemed that nothing could bring my day down. I was almost sickeningly delighted every day. So, why did I change my outlook of how my day could be? Sometimes I wonder if it seems like having so many disasterous days happen one after another, it became somewhat of a habit. Maybe it's the ill feeling I have daily about possibly putting my dog to sleep or the shock of having to take my husband to the emergency room with chest pains. Though I feel that my thoughts have changed drastically after we nearly died in that unforgettable accident. Not all of these things would happen every day, but they are the ones that have surely kept me on my toes.
Piper is my beautiful red nosed pitt-bull. She may look mean and tough, which she can be, but she has been my best friend for ten years now. No matter what, I could trust that she would be waiting at the door for me to get home and she would snuggle with me at my worse days. She would look at me with those amber colored eyes and I knew that she was saying, "It will be okay." So, when the thought of having to put her down came to mind, all I could think about was all the times she had comforted me, why would this be my solution for her? She had been tested for several things and all the vet could say is that he thought it must be a gall bladder issue. Maybe to some it doesn't seem like a huge issue, but how about having to clean dog puke up every day and then trying to find the best way for her to take their meds, just so she can throw it up again. Strict diet and no fatty foods. Again some days are better than others with her, but I often wonder how she feels and if this will get better for her. And to what extreme could I afford to keep her as healthy as possible. But for now every day when I come home, it's a guessing game as to if there is a pile to pick up and where did she put it this time?
As I sat at my workdesk, doing my everyday paperwork, I get a phonecall from my husband and in a soft, quiet voice I hear him say, "I think I need to go to the e.r." That instant feeling of shock hit me. "What? What's wrong?" And as I am asking him, the whole cenario of the trip to the hospital was already in play, in my head. "I don't know, but my chest doesn't feel right and my pulse is low." Wait a second, his heart? This would be the worse feeling of panic that I had felt. "Okay, okay. I am on my way!" Thank God he only worked down the road from me! In the short distance to the hospital, it felt like the trip took longer. And how about the round about entrance to the emergency room at Eastern Maine?! Could they change the entrance area again? The wait in the emergency room was mind wrecking, didn't they hear him say that he was having chest pains? Finally, in the exam room and hooked to monitors, I sat and waited, as I watched the staff do labwork and assesments. When the doctor said the words, "We are admitting you", I knew that it was serious. Even though it took forever to get transferred in the cardiac, I never realized the time. When the time came and Nurse Wrachet kicked me out of the room, it was sweet dreams for me in the stiff chairs of the family room. Day two was full of tests, as well as testing patience. And at the end, the words that everyone just loves hearing, "We don't know what is wrong with you." What the hell does that mean? That means, 'you're on your own'! Follow ups with the PCP and the Cardiologist are ongoing events. Just to keep us wondering if this could happen again.
The day was overcast, but dry. Travel weather at it's best, no sun in your eyes and nothing to keep the wipers going. So, how could this day of travel be bad? It became the worse day of uncertainties, as we drove around the bend. We could see the flashing red lights of the well known yellow bus, so we had slowed down and stopped behind a small blue pick-up. Then surprisingly, my husband started to excel and go around the pick-up. "What the hell was wrong with him, can't he see the damn lights?!" I started to panic because of the bus, but the kids stayed in their driveway. Did they see what was going to happen? "Honey! What are you doing?" I turned to look at him and I saw him looking in the rearview mirror. "He's not going to stop!" As I started to say, "What do you mean?", I could see the huge metal grill of the truck and the stack of logs that weighed it down. This was it! We are dead! This was where the real panic kicked in. "Oh my God!" But I couldn't finish my words, as the jolt of the impact clamped my mouth shut. All I thought about was the pile of logs crushing us or the log truck driving over us. The impact broke the driver's seat, but my husband pulled himself up in time to turn the wheel. The telephone pole was going to be the next victim! They say that your life flashes before your eyes at times like these. All I was looking for were those damn logs! As we came to a slow stop, we were allowed to breath. Did we survive for a particular reason? Or was this just another sick way of ruining a good day?
It is always unfortunate to have a bad day because who plots out their day to have one? It was definately not something I wanted to do. I just didn't know how to stop thinking that something bad would always happen. It's almost like if I do plan ahead that something bad happens and it doesn't, it makes it a good day. Kind of backwards though, right? I have to start thinking that the day is going to start good. Everyone has had some traumatic event in their lives that totally change their outlook, but I guess it depends how they decide to handle it. Handling it is a must. So, even though my dog isn't at her peak anymore and I may have to clean her messes when I get home, I still have her to look at me and say the day will be okay. My husband, my other best friend, will always be on my mind for concerns. Isn't that how it's supposed to be anyways? Apparently, that is what happens when you love someone, you worry and care about them consistantly. You are there for them regardless. And even though I suffer from PTSD and can not stand the sight of red lights and school buses, I am very thankful every day that we survived that day. I have to believe that things happen for a reason, so why walk on eggshells trying to avoid it? Even though there were those bad days, it shouldn't mean that it is what life is all about. I have to think that bad days can come and go, but I will always be here to see another day.
The point of my assigning those cause essay intros is not to have you do busywork, but so that I can see your topic and approach before I see a complete paper. Getting a complete finished piece like this that I've never had a chance to give my input and feedback on defeats the whole purpose of those earlier assignments.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to the much more clear, simple, and sharpedged accident topic?
Anyway, your material keeps almost getting away from you. I had to go back several times and reread the opening graf before I understood that you were saying that some longstanding underlying problems were the reasons for a change in attitude you see in yourself.
I want you to rewrite, and what I want you to do is this: as an exercise in tightening and focusing your prose, take each of your five grafs (which are 216, 254, 315, 303, and 279 words) and cut each one by 15%, so that the new graf 1, for example, is slimmed down to about 185 words.