Isearch Research Plan #2 Graf #14

                            Understanding a diagnosis of a person that you have only known a short period of time can be a little bit time consumimg. However, when it is a person that you have stronger connections to, you try to find out what you can however you can and in the best understanding of the diagnosis. I would look into some research on the diagnosis, whether it would be on-line or in medical magazines, but I would look into the easier to understand information, yes, I mean in "layman terms". Not everyone can understand the fundamentals of the medical lingo. I also have to say that in my case, I have the person of interest to ask questions to. They could be of the past, the present and the ideas of the future. All in better understanding the diagnosis of Aspergers and how it relates to what the medical professionals say. I also wanted to place some personal oppinions of how I can look at it as not using a diagnosis as an excuse for behavior, but to understand and point out what the cause is for the diagnosis' behavior. Possibly not to look at things as just black and white, but to understand that there will always be some shades of grey.

What I know about my isearch questions#2

                             It's bad enough that I feel like a shmuck for not educating myself on my step-son's diagnosis earlier. Again, he did not seem like your typical Aspergers diagnosis. At least not to me. However, when I get reminded of certain cenarios, I have to stop and really look at the picture. Yes, I understand that he was diagnosed as a child and that I was not there to argue it. Nor was I there to witness his childhood. I needed to educate myself and be more understanding, instead of being stuck on the fact that I do not visibly see it. Apparently the doctors were correct with the diagnosis, right? Yes, they had to have been. Luckily, he was not as severe as some Aspergers could be. And I see him working deligantly at a future for himself. But maybe if I could understand the causes, the differences and the outcomes better, it will show me how to help him or at least be a supportive parent. I did not want him to ever feel that I would treat him differently than the other children, but some children need guidance in different areas than others and it doesn't automatically mean they are helpless or not able to. So I am looking into this as a learning curb for myself to better understand what I can do for my step-son and his future journey in life.

Motivation Graf#2

                          I wanted to write about Aspergers. There are a few different parts as to why. I have a step-son that had this diagnosis hanging over his head for much of his life, as he is 21 now. I wanted to make him aware that the diagnosis did not make him the way he is now, but it is the hard work he has applied to defeat it. I also had not taken the time to truly educate myself  of this diagnosis. I know, not a very good step-mom, but I did try initially.My problem is that he just didn't seem to fit the profile, so I guess I wasn't going to take the diagnosis as an excuse for everything. I want to know  what else I could do as a supportive step-parent and how to help him adjust to the normalcy (if that's even a word) of life. I know that children diagnosed with Aspergers now a days are more understood, or maybe more accepted. Though it seems as if the diagnosis is more easily determined.  It's amazing when you know of someone that has Aspergers, there seems to more and more people around you that know of someone also or has it themselves! Almost like it's in the water or something! Bottom line is that I want to understand the different types of Aspergers and to understand what it was like for my step-son growing up with it and what his thoughts are on it and even the differences of how society reacts now and how medical providers treat it differently.


1. What memories does an adult have being a child with Aspergers?

2. Is there ever a point in life when it gets better?

3. What are the differences of the treatments currently compared to the past?

4. What are the different types? How can we tell?

5. How does it happen? Best explanation to the parent.

6. How does someone get diagnosed?

7. Is it a clear diagnosis?

8. Does society accept or treat Aspergers better now than in the past?

9. How does a parent except the diagnosis?

10. What does a parent do to help support their child into adulthood? And does it stop there?

Background to isearch graf#2

                                         Recently remarried, I have found myself with the most perfect family life. Perfect in my eyes anyways. I had been blessed with two children of my own and then added two more wonderful kids into my life. And I never wanted any of them to feel that they were any different from each other, so treated them all the same. Though when we first started dating, I had learned that the eldest son had been diagnosed with Aspergers as a child. Ok, well I definately did not see him as a child at this point, as he was already on his way to early adulthood. So, I guess I kind of passed it off as a normal common cold, he had it then, now he doesn't. And he was no 'Rainman' either. I didn't see him as different. To me he was just another normal teenage boy and I know that that in itself, toys with the word 'normal'. But everytime he would do something akward or say something that would not be to other's comfort level, it would be the Aspergers fault. Now, I am not a type of person that takes excuses lightly, so I didn't quite buy into the Aspergers thing. Maybe it's denial, since my own son was thought of having, but never diagnosed. I didn't treat him differently either. I know, I sound like a heartless person, but this kid was so functioning and he did pretty much everything independantly. So, it was hard for me to see it. I guess there are several different forms of Aspergers, but then again I think that there are several different forms of "normal", as well. He gets along with our other kids, other family members, is an Eagle Boy Scout and works with the Masons, but yet is supposidly a social outcast. Unfortunately, I  never had the opportunity to spend time with him as a child and maybe if I did, I would see things differently. But on the other hand I have stepped into his life, perhaps at a better time. I see him for the wonderful person that he has grown into and I see that he continuously works on improving his life.

iSearch Research plan Graf #14

                                             Alot of what I thought that the isearch paper would be about, would be something I found appealing and connected to write about. I could write about our family's inherated diseases or how I finally decided to throw my loser ex-husband out of the house, but I wanted to write about something meaningful to me. So, I wanted to write about how and why I decided to buy a home for my family. I would have to go back to alot of memories and papers that I had printed out when I was house hunting. And for parts I would discuss the events with my children, as they were a big part of the plan. I do think that there are some areas that I may research, such as does it create an even better relationship or maybe worse, living close to your parents, pros and cons. As far as living futher away from work than some people, I had to look into better ways to save money on gas. I mean we are at $3.60+ a gallon!Buying a Hybrid took some looking into. My biggest fear is that I will have a difficult time putting the entire information out equally. As I tend to be more passionate about one subject verses another. I am also in hopes that my wonderful English composition instructor could lead me in the right path, as he has done very nicely. That's not sucking up either, that's saying that I will probably be pestering him for guidance.

Section 3-Isearch Questions/Answers

                                   Everyone had always told me that the home holds the heart of a family. I would have to agree. It's an old farmhouse and it needs plety of tlc, but it provides us comfort, so in a sense I would consider it a dream home. I knew when I bought this house, I would have to do some repairs. But let's face it, every homeowner faces some 'unexpected' challenges in their home. I know in time the roof will probably need replacing, the chimney might need to be restructured and the windows reframed, since last winter it leaked in the dining room.  Probably the easiest job would be the cosmetic work, plaster, paint and remolding the doors and windows. There are always plenty of areas of the home that can be tinkered on.Though I would have to say that I couldn't have picked a better neighborhood. Everyone knows everyone else and they watch over your home when you are gone. In fact, I have an old little italian man next door that always makes sure my driveway is cleaned of snow before I get home from work. I don't know if I have the heart to tell him that I recently bought my own snowblower. Of course I always have my dad to compete against my neighbor, since he only lives two houses up the road. That's right, I bought a house two houses from my parents. I love looking out my livingroom window and seeing the house that I grew up in. I can go over anytime I want just to remenace in my old room. Even better, we all get together, just for the sake of getting together. No holidays or other special occasions neccessary. I can walk up the road with my bowl of potato salad and basket of rolls. What a savings on gas, too! Gas, oh ya, the gas. The worse part about where I live, is not the home, it's where I am away from home, at work! Living fifty miles away from work makes your schedule alot tighter. And the traveling, back and forth, thinking that buying a Hybrid would save on gas, but it's too soon to tell. But then again, it's kind of nice not to run into people you work with at the intown grocery store. It gives a sense of more  privacy, I think. Home is home and work is work. I like coming home, cooking for my family and talking about their day, as I can put mine away. I feel that I picked a great home and location to raise my family.


Questions:

1. How do I find the right house for my family?

2. Does living closer to your parents a good thing or not?

3. Is it a good neighborhood for us?

4. What does living far from work impact?

5. What areas of the home need improving and how to prioritize them?
       

Cause Essay Outro

                                         Though I can not stand the site of school bus lights blinking or passing by log trucks, I still have my health and my husband. I still go to my muscle therapy and frequent follow ups with my Doctor, but time will help heal. I am so thankful for every day. Even though some days are better than others, I am just happy that I can be there to experience what every day brings. And what about those every day routines? Well, they are more important to me, as I now take extra time to do them. I know my two furballs love the extra treats and hugs and I can take the. And as far as the car goes, the trucker's insurance bought us a brand new Hybrid, Venetian red with black and tan exterior. It beams in the sun, as well. However, cars are made every day, but my husband nor I could ever be replaced.

#2 Intro Graf Cause Essay

                                    I just love my new car! I wans't really expecting to buy this car, but when I saw her that was it. Venitian red, beaming in the sun, no one could miss this car driving down the road. I was so proud to purchase my very first brand new vehicle, a 2011 Hyundai Sonata Hybrid. No one around had one. So, the day that I lost that car, it broke my heart, but then again, it almost broke me. My husband and I were driving to work one clear morning and as we were coming around the bend, we saw the red school bus lights. As there was a pickup already stopped and waiting, we slowed down and waited behind him. The children that were waiting for the bus were still in their mother's minivan, so we had to wait a little longer. Thank god for them though. I noticed that my husband had started to go around the pick up and I turned to him and asked, "What the hell are you doing?!" Was he nuts for going forward? The lights are still blinking! "He's not stopping, I need to get out of the way!" What the hell was he talking about? "What are you talking about?!" And as I turned to look at the side mirror, all I saw was the huge 'Bambi basher' bumper headed towards us. Before he could finish his words, "That truck behind ..." BAM! Brakes would not even help us, as it felt like we were streaming through the air. Then "Oh my God! The pole! We're going to hit the pole!" I don't even know how he did it, but he was able to grab the steering wheel and turn it, so we avoided the telephone. When we finally came to a halt down the embankment, I couldn't feel anything.
Oh my god, was I paralyzed? And what was this stuff all over me? I don't even want to look at my hand after wiping my face. And what the hell was that truck driver thinking? Was he sleeping or was it because of those damn cell phones? And how the hell do you not see a bright red car and bright red lights?!

#1 Intro Graf Cause Essay

                     Getting up early on a Monday morning is always so painful. Not the physical pain, but just the dredding of having to do the same thing every morning for the next five days. And you get into such a routine that you don't even think of what you are doing. Shower, dress, pack lunch, take the dogs out, so on and so forth. Sometimes, it takes something drastic to make you realize how important those daily routines mean to you. Apparently, getting rear-ended by a loaded log truck going fifty plus miles an hour would make you see life differently. That's right, sitting waiting for the school bus lights to stop blinking, then BLAM! Only seconds went by, but it felt like forever. Oh my God! Where are we going?! Stop the car! But there would be no helping us at this point. "Honey! The telephone pole!" It was coming right at us or should I say we were steering right towards it! Hands grabbed the steering wheel and cranked it to the left. How ever did he get up from his seat, it was busted in half! Clearing the pole, the car slid down the embankment. It finally stopped. I didn't know what to think, I couldn't even think! I felt warm dampness over my face and skin, what was that? I can't move, what's wrong with me? And why the hell didn't that truck see our car or the school bus!?

Place Graf#12

                                There was a calming aroma of freshly cut grass in the air. Flowers looked as if they were always in bloom. But as you walk closer to them, you would realize their stiffer than normal appearance, they were fake. Though, regardless of the feel of fresh flowers, the brightness of the colors would create a beautiful arrangement. I would walk to the headstone and place her lucky charm on the top. Her lucky frog always gave her great fortune, especially at Bingo. Maybe it would sound strange that I could feel comforted, where others would feel emptiness. I have had many important conversations here. Just because I couldn't actually hear the advice or was able to give a hug in appreciation, didn't mean I didn't take it all to heart.Because we have had many laughs here, too! I would pick the overgrown weeds around the fencing, as weed whacking must be prohibited, and then brushed the excess dried grass off the lawn ornaments. It felt like I was doing her house keeping in a weird sort of way. Holidays, birthdays and just the weekend get-togethers are never the same without her.  Those were my most favorite memories. Sometimes if I would close my eyes and just think back, I can almost smell her sweet scent of Pond's cold cream and orchids. May sound stupid, but it was the smell that was embedded in my memory of her. And that scent would bring me back to those happy times. It's always hard to leave, but it would get dark out soon. Not anyone's favorite place after dark. But before I would go, I kiss my fingertips and place it on her name. "I love you Lola and don't worry, I'll be back soon." 

Real Life Research Graf#11

               Isn't it interesting how things happen in life? A lot of people can talk more about the negative events in their life that impacts them every single day. That's seems more of an easier way to connect with others, sadly enough. Apparently, I had always felt that if I always prepared myself for lose or for failure, then it wouldn't hurt or effect me as much when it happened. Crazy, I guess, but that was what worked for me.
               What a crazy day at work it was that day. Phones ringing off the hook, everyone's asking for their last minute "Oh, we need it now" type emergency. Damn nurses! I picked up the phone and with a attitude, "Pharmacy!" A pause. Then with a soft man's voice, I heard, "Well, hello Pharmacy." Needless to say, I felt like a big dope. After that conversation, I thought it over and realized that I was a crabby bitch. Just because every other person was pissing me off, I felt bad yelling at the one nice person. I called him back and apologize for being so rude. Funny enough after that "big rude bitch" situation, we talked on the phone even more.  I definitely thought this guy was whacked in the head.
                The days became months and before I knew it, we were on our first date. I really didn't know what I was doing. What was I thinking? I had recently ended a marriage, a single parent, a single income household and let's not forget the fifty miles between home and work. I needed a second job, not a date! But everytime I would spend time with him, I would see just how alike we are. We would sit and discuss our children, our families, our past and what to look forward to in the future. Our children were close in age 18, 17, 15, 13years old (that means they would all leave home close together!) Our families were both very close to us, so it was nice to see a family just as 'normal' as mine. It was nice to know that we were both in the same boat. Our former lives happened the same way, marriage right out of high school and both had been very young parents.  Neither of us were thinking correctly when we were young. Then bad relationships, wrong decisions and always wrecked with stress and fears of failure. That was when I realized, "Oh my God! This guy was a male version of me!" How did this ever happen?  
                More time went by and with a blink of an eye, we were engaged. Now, it was time to get nit-picky, so I thought.  I would watch him style his hair and think to myself how he spends as much time with his hair as I do mine or how he would keep his nails cleaned and trimmed. Yes, these would seem like easy, daily things, but I wasn't used to it!  As I watched him interact with the children, it would make me teary-eyed. I could see how he treats them all as his own. Or how he would just come up to me when I would do dishes and give me a hug and kiss, then say "I love you". Then would do dishes the next day. This couldn't be real. It's too good to be true. I was used to just doing what needed to be done and not expecting anything in return. I guess that was where the 'rude bitch attitude' came from. So, how could I be nit-picky, when I had nothing to pick from to begin with. I now had something that I had always wanted, but never thought I would have. If I hadn't felt secure with what I had found in this special person, I wouldn't have married him two years later.

Motivation Graf

                            I wanted to write about my house. Not just because it's an ordinary house, but the symbol of this home meant alot to me. It stood for more than just a dwelling. There are many memories built within this home and most importantly I bought this home for my children. Yes, that is every parent's goal in life. But how many people can say that they bought a house two houses down from the house they grew up in? Or down the road from their parents. Not only was there a motive to buy this house, there are also continuous maintenance that are involved with owning a home. Apparently, I hadn't been prepared for that. Yes, I bought my home, but would it become my dream home? There are always ups and downs in every household. That is why I thought that there would be tons of ideas or topics that I could bring up as being a fairly new homeowner. Starting off as a single parent and now focused to work together as a new family. To look into this would seem simple to some, but money, time, efforts, etc. played a big part to achieve any accomplishment. As time went on, there seemed to be more areas to work on. And would this house stay as a permanent part of our lives? So, as we embark on the daily to monthly, adding up to yearly projects to make our house into our home, I often wonder:

* Can I make this home  my dreamhome?

* Which project should be prioritized?

* What to work in the house?

* What needs work around the yard?

* Do we stay after the kids leave? Does that influence the projects?

* What do needs to be rid of, verses what needs to be kept?

* Should we do it ourselves or pay a contractor/help?

* How does living 2 houses from your parents really feel?

* Is it better to live far away from work? Is it logical? Or reasonable?

* How does the surroundings of the home work for me (us)?

* How has the house been to the family?

Graph#9

Object graf:


                   "Oh wow, that is so beautiful!" was what people would say when they saw my ring. Never in my life would I have thought something so wonderfully gorgeous would be sitting on my ringfinger. What a cliche diamond rings are, I always thought. It was always "just what a girl wants". Well, I am not just a girl, dang it all! I wanted to be different, maybe something with color. That was until my then boyfriend proposed with the biggest freaken diamond ring that I had ever seen or at least have ever touched! At that time, the cliche didn't exsist anymore. After I got over the initial nauseau feeling, I was so amazed by the sparkle and the unique setting of the ring. Princess cut diamond on top with rounded diamonds and diamond baggets on the sides with the luster shine of a white gold band. Sort of a redundancy of diamonds, isn't it? I didn't know what to do with it, until he slipped it on my finger. Then it hit me. "Holy crap, I actually get to wear this thing!" It weighs a ton! Never in my life had I been given something so beautiful (kids don't count here) and for what? Was this guy nuts? He told me that he found the perfect ring to go with the perfect partner, both out of the ordinary. Often I find myself just staring at it in awe. Okay so, I like shiny things. Kind of like a crow, I guess. But I guess that it meant more to me knowing that it was picked out just for me and there are no other like it. So, I still was able to be different and still be a part of the "what all girls want" club.

Graph#10

Person Graf:

                        Do we really know who is responsible for molding us into who we are today? Most girls would say their Moms and most guys would say their Dads, right? Well, I would have to say that it was my Papa that taught me to be the person that I am today. Maybe it was becasue I was the first born, maybe he thought of me more of a son or maybe it's just the stereotypical father-daughter bond. Either way, I always thought it was because we were so much alike. Our characteristics were very much alike, even as a baby my grandmother would say. I think she meant attitude though. He was stubborn, but easy going, also being stern, yet softhearted. He played so many different roles in my life growing up. I felt bad as it overlooked my mother sometimes.
                        "Ok, now hold your bat like this," Pa would say. As he would demonstrate the stance and mimic the ever so famous "homerun" hit. That was how I always held my bat and swung at the ball, even though it wans't always a homerun, but it kept me competative. He would always remind me to keep that index finger on the outside of the glove, too. And there was the fishing. How he would love to go hornpouting (catfishing for some) at night or to take us nightcrawling late at night. Maybe it sounds kind of hick, but they were great childhood memories! He would fire up his cigar while fishing or outsideat night because he said that it kept the bugs away.  Okay, so kids believe that! But then again he really did believe it did. And let's not forget the lesson he taught on how to put your worm on the hook. Yikes, how icky that was! Even how disgusting it felt, I did it because my Pa showed me how. And even though you thought that fish you caught with that worm was huge, he was there to say, "Oh, let this one go and we'll get a bigger one." I guess it was his way of not being greedy and responsible. Or maybe just going after the best? However, my Pa was not very good at the 'going to the other parent to ask' when the other one had already said 'NO'. Pa's very simple response of, "What did your Mother say?" and the answer would be, "She said to ask you." Very important lesson here. I've learned to make sure everyone is in the same room when asking and answering with my children. No confusion there!
                          Though the years have passed, my father has tried to instill these same simple values into his grandchildren. I say simple because they were. He taught me to do my best no matter how big or small the task was. He had also taught me not to give up and to keep trying. Though he taught me these lessons without any thought of doing it. Would he have thought that playing baseball with your child would show them that they could be a hard working, competative and structured person? Probably he did not. He did it to create special family time with his kids. My Pa is a hardworking man. Working on mill machinery bolted to cement floors 5:30am to 2:30pm every day, five days, sometimes seven days a week for the past thirty plus years, endurance was his key. He still made the time and energy to raise his children. May sound small, but how many kids can say that their Dad was always there every day they came home from school and want to play ball or go fishing? And in the meantime, teaching them the tactics of life. I can truly say that I am proud to be like my Dad and I couldn't think of being any other way.

Background Graf

      I had always wanted the things for my children, that my parents made sure I had growing up. I'm not talking about toys, clothes and other materialistic items. I wanted them to grow up in a warm, loving home and to have lifelong memories of the place that they would call home. My parents bought their house when I was ten years old in 1982. And every year my family and I would celebrate holidays or occasions and sometimes just have a family get together just for the sake of seeing everybody. So, when I started looking for a home, I wanted special characteristics that would shout out at me and say, "I'm the one". The first house I looked at was an old farmhouse, though very well maintained. It was not a big house, as everyone would envision a farmhouse to be, but big enough for us. It had everything that I was looking for in a house, strong structure, nice location, evenly sized rooms and it had brand new windows! The house was white with a black singled roof. It had no shutters or any extra colored trim, so it was plain, but looked clean and stern. The same said about the attached breazeway and two story barn. Though the crackle of the brook in the backyard created a sense of calm, both outside and inside the house. When I walked into the kitchen and saw the original handmade wooden cupboards, that was when I realized this house had the potential. It was built in the 1890's and those cupboards were made of real wood, not the cheap pressed ones that they offer now. But it was the first house I looked at and I couldn't imagine this task to be simple. So, I decided to look at other houses and give the kids a selection to choose from.Though every time I would look at another house, I would always compare it to the first house. So after looking at the sixth house, I realized it was no use looking anymore. I knew from the beginning I wanted that first house I looked at. I discussed it with my children, as it was going to our home. They were so excited! Not only to have a home of their own, but it was only 2 houses down the road from my parent's home. It was like having a two for one deal for me. I remember my realtor saying, "I knew you were going to choose that house!" That was it, we finally had a home. It was simple! Or was that just a new homeowner's dream?

Graf#8

Reaction to Iseaches


Well, by reading some of the sample isearch papers, I truly realized that it is about "I", me, the person. In their own words and through their eyes. Apparently, being a parent sometimes blocks the whole thought process of "I", such as I wish I could get more sleep! I was looking into things more than I should have and need to learn how to narrow 'my' ideas and thoughts. I keep reading the isearch papers for feedback and structure, so I hope that will help me in the long run. Some of the topics that people wrote about were quite unique, such as potty training, but was interesting to read. Kind of down to earth.The papers were personal and it was quite nice to see such vast ideas that people think of. When I originally said in my first worksheet that I wanted to write about something important in my life, it was a very large topic, so I narrowed it to one of the challenges I had that would include the important people in my life. Maybe is isn't as exciting as "how to pick up a date at the bar", but to an older adult, family life matters more.