I just love my new car! I wans't really expecting to buy this car, but when I saw her that was it. Venitian red, beaming in the sun, no one could miss this car driving down the road. I was so proud to purchase my very first brand new vehicle, a 2011 Hyundai Sonata Hybrid. No one around had one. So, the day that I lost that car, it broke my heart, but then again, it almost broke me. My husband and I were driving to work one clear morning and as we were coming around the bend, we saw the red school bus lights. As there was a pickup already stopped and waiting, we slowed down and waited behind him. The children that were waiting for the bus were still in their mother's minivan, so we had to wait a little longer. Thank god for them though. I noticed that my husband had started to go around the pick up and I turned to him and asked, "What the hell are you doing?!" Was he nuts for going forward? The lights are still blinking! "He's not stopping, I need to get out of the way!" What the hell was he talking about? "What are you talking about?!" And as I turned to look at the side mirror, all I saw was the huge 'Bambi basher' bumper headed towards us. Before he could finish his words, "That truck behind ..." BAM! Brakes would not even help us, as it felt like we were streaming through the air. Then "Oh my God! The pole! We're going to hit the pole!" I don't even know how he did it, but he was able to grab the steering wheel and turn it, so we avoided the telephone. When we finally came to a halt down the embankment, I couldn't feel anything.
Oh my god, was I paralyzed? And what was this stuff all over me? I don't even want to look at my hand after wiping my face. And what the hell was that truck driver thinking? Was he sleeping or was it because of those damn cell phones? And how the hell do you not see a bright red car and bright red lights?!
There's a difference between giving reasons for an accident and asking questions about it. Those three questions should be reworked into possible reasons for the accident.
ReplyDeleteExcept for that, you have everything you need here, but I'd make a few cuts.
"Oh my god, was I paralyzed? And what was this stuff all over me? I don't even want to look at my hand after wiping my face." That might even belong in the outro--it's post-accident, one of the effects.
I'd drop all this as it fuzzes the real starting point: " I just love my new car! I wans't really expecting to buy this car, but when I saw her that was it. Venitian red, beaming in the sun, no one could miss this car driving down the road. I was so proud to purchase my very first brand new vehicle, a 2011 Hyundai Sonata Hybrid. No one around had one. So, the day that I lost that car, it broke my heart, but then again, it almost broke me. "