Effect Essay #8

                        Growing up in a tight knit family, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mom. I saw what my parent s had and I wanted to have a life and a relationship as good as theirs had been. They were married very young, 16 and 18 years of age. So, I was bound and determined that at 18, I was more matured then they were to get married and start a family. Little did I know that being married at a young age had been a real eye-opener for me. The effects of young love was not what I had forseen it to be.

                        Within the year we were married, we had our first child, Tylor. At 19, I really had no idea about babies, just that I was the mom and I needed to take care of him. Needless to say, Ty helped me mature even quicker. The late nights were no longer for partying and having a good time. It was for midnight feedings and diaper changes. At that time I did not see the fun in it. My daily schedule revolved around the baby. There was no more me time anymore. Two years go by and another child came along, daughter Alexandria. Both of my hands were full now. And I had no other idea of what to do with myself, except be a stay at home mom. And that would often drive me crazy!

                      Work was not an option for me, I couldn't stay away from my babies. I tried to work opposite shifts from their father, but we just couldn't make it work. He wanted his time for him to do things with his friends and I had to work and find childcare. Childcare was just taking my whole paycheck, so why bother. In a one income household, we needed to be smart with our money, but young and foolish showed us that we had to be at the same level as other people. Cars, a house mortgage, nice clothes, kids toys, whatever we wanted and needed. Apparently, we did not take accountability for bills. Everything was behind on payment and the finger was being pointed at me. Needless to say, the relationship fell behind as well. We were not mature enough to handle all the stressors at once.

                      The biggest lesson that I had learned about the mistakes we had made, was the immense lack of communication. That and the capacity to understand. I had grown to resent my other half. How did he find time to do what he wanted to do and had no sympathy of leaving the kids and I at home? It got to the point that I would have to beg him to spend time with me and the kids. He was not the father that I had planned for my children, they deserved better than this. But instead of trying to sit and discuss the issues, I would just be spiteful and try to hurt him as he had done to me. Almost like what little kids do to each other. I devoted all of my time to my children and was never even able to catch up with any friends. I was the only one with children, so I wasn't able to enjoy the same freedom.

                     I often wonder how my parents lasted this long. Maybe you just have to have it in you to want to do it. Which I initially thought I had in me. I am thankful for being able to have my children. Of course that I would never take back. They were the best result of a failed marriage. So, I strongly encourage my children to do what they feel they should do for themselves first. To take things slow and to be more open. Obviously, the children were there to see what was happening around them, but was very young at the time. But I often think that the divorce has also effected their thoughts on marriage, too. Though I have tried very hard to instill in them the areas that I had lacked in at their age. And hope that they do not have to go through a relationship as I did.