To answer your advice; Graf#4
What I want to write about today, doesn't automatically mean what happened today. Though sometimes it is the easier. I agree that sometimes I overthink of what to write about due to feeling on the spot, but John has made me feel more freely about what subjects and personal views are important to me. That helps! It also helps me find something I do want to write about. It's important to have the work come from a part of you, that what makes it your work.. I guess other people can write about the same subject, but their views can be totally different. And if it is something that comes to mind easily, then anyday, everyday and today wouldn't matter. Letter verses an essay, does that mean it would be much more personal or more direct? I would also think that creating a visual would keep the reader coming back for more and have created a time, place or event would help them understand where you are coming from. To make it my essay, in a personal experience, I would have to be telling it to you, but is there an overusing of I to you? Sometimes it is hard to want to pick a topic or subject that others want to hear about, depending on who your peers are, but maybe it's not the subject entirely, but the delivery of the information. Maybe just write, then pick the topic? I hope that my teacher and I always enjoy my writing, but criticism helps create a better writer. I wouldn't mind if others read my writing, the more, the merrier. All comments would be helpful. And I always think that if it matters to the writer, it never sucks, but may just need a little tweek. Oh my, does this seem like a letter though?!
I thought to write another essay to see if I could use your advice, line per line.
Unique Graf #6
Sometimes I think that the easiest things to write about are the events that happen every day. Though it doesn't really make my mind think about what every other new day would bring. So, I have thought of something that I have found interesting and possibly unique. Maybe it isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it mattered to me. That's what I wanted to write about. Currently, I am a forty year old mother of four children; a 21 year old, a 20 year old, an 18 year old (the one and only girl!) and a 16 year old. So, does that not sound unique or do you just feel sorry for me? My 21, 20, 18 year old, my husband and I are all taking classes at EMCC this spring simester. And to make it even more intriguing I am taking one class with one son and another class with my daughter, who is still in high school. I am sure that other families have been or at the same stage in life as we are, but all of this would be the first time for me. I have been out of school for over 20 years! That's 20 years ago! Some of the students in my class were probably being born at that time! And I have to say, times have changed very much in 20 years. If my thought process in life was half of what my children have now and with so much more being offered, I would have traveled a different road. However, I probably would not be writing this the way I originally set out to. My children actually considered me as a "study buddy", verses just the older lady in class. That sent giggles and a warm feeling inside, as I knew I had instilled pride and respect and just palin family love. I so enjoy the daily discussions and the advice on our train of thoughts about our class syllabus. What another great way of being able to have family time! I could go on and on forever about my children and my future changes in life. What I am hoping for for all of us. But in a sense, I am supersticious and do not want to bost too much and ruin the possible outcome. But that's just me. I would truly be interested to know of other families that have gone through this trial and error. And I enjoy letting people know how proud I am right now. So, like I said, maybe this subject may not be a total interest to all, but I am a proud Momma. And I just can't help it!
"s there an overusing of I to you?"
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a question, problem, issue. Writing in the first person ought to be a default in 101, but there are exceptions. Writing essays as if letters to an audience described as 'you' is a crutch (usually, always exceptions) in my opinion--notice how you try it out in the second graf and then abandon it for most of the rest of the graf.
That second graf, btw, works as your 'unique' graf with all the material about 'the family that studies together gets A's together'! But take a look at it and see if you can find sections where you lose focus, wander a bit, sections that could theoretically be cut without losing anything vital. Just a mental exercise, not asking for a rewrite.